As I was getting my darling children ready for school today
I noticed to my horror that I was out of clean, dependable, and good bras. The
last thought from the night before runs through my head again “if you wash it
now, then hang it up right before bed, you’ll have fresh bras for the day ahead.”
Yeah, I said “do it later, time to sleep” which undoubtedly put me in the
situation I was in. The thought of an old lady bent over with melon held by
nylons dangling from her chest was the mental picture I had in my mind of what I
was sure people saw of me without the trusted over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder
to keep things up where God had originally put them (but then time happens and
so does gravity). It’s agreed that I, just like most people, tend to take
things to the worst case scenario. I know that everyone has gone and done
something without a bra and so it shouldn’t be a big deal, but have you seen
the size of Godzilla….Yup that would be the size of the monsters I hide daily. I
did have a fresh pair of “grow some balls lady, or your kids will be late to
school. It will be ok, trust me” panties and put the bras in the wash, got in
the car, took the kids to school and prayed that I wouldn’t need to get out for
anything. I am happy to report that I
did indeed survive and didn’t have to get out so I could save the world from
the gravity-challenged boobs today. Came home and dried said bra so that I
could finish getting ready for work and go about my day, which by the way, went
wonderfully once I had my amazing good bra on. Thank God it wasn’t one of those
days where the wires decides to make a sudden appearance and ruin yet another
excellent bra day. J
Bra: noun: brassiere.That’s it? You must be joking!?!
Say it with me: Brassiere. Wow, makes it sound so … so… upscale, classy, sexy, and even a bit luxurious; however, for those of us that know better it would better be described as: torturous, awkward, and, usually for those of larger size, unattractive and uncomfortable. Now I’m not saying that all are created that way and in fact I wish I had the type of body that could fit into the cute, sexy, thrilling, and classy types, but I don’t. I do however applaud the makers of exceptional bras, you know the kind (and they vary in style/types). The ones that make you look like you actually have something worth looking at in that department. You have ones that push you up, squeeze you in, make you bigger, and make you go “hell yeah, look at these babies.”
So in conclusion: I need to shop for some new bras and I raise my wine glass to the makers of good bras everywhere. J
I hope this has put a smile on your face because I have laughed at myself numerous times today… Happy Friday and weekend to you all J
Oh the agony and defeat of a good bra gone bad! There seems to be very fine line between perky puppies and uni-boob.For me, the embarrassment of "muffin boob" is the worst. These are the bras I like to call multipliers because they take me from having two boobs to four boobs in one swift action of bending over. Perhaps I should start calling them Gremlin bras because it takes one small mistake to make something cute into a multitude of hideous creatures.
ReplyDeleteSeems like we are overdue a trip terrorizing the malls with our mammoth mammaries!
My dear Anything,
DeleteI do believe that you just asked my mammoth mammaries out on a date and I accept! We are indeed long overdue to the runnin' amok through the stores and making waiters drop full trays of dishes while making obscene remarks. I dare say that we do this very soon and we will salute over good bras everywhere!
Much love,
SnoopyWashington