Goofy stuff we’ve all done, right?

Yup, that’s right…step out of your comfort zone and admit that you have done a few of these things. Well, that is of course unless you are not human or have no sense of humor and humility. Let’s start out in the bathroom because that just sounds like fun.
The “Hot Water Dance”
This is the dance you do when you fill your tub up with warm water to soak your worries away or awaiting the soap to bubble up and whisk you away. Mr. Bubbles apparently no longer really does this and it is only achieved in fairy tales (dagnab that Cinder-freakin-rella). So you are thinking “ah yeah!” and you go into the kitchen, pour yourself a nice glass of wine, grab the ipod for some “mood music” (not saying the Marvin Gaye type) and revisit the tub. You don’t even stop to think about checking the temp because, well, you weren’t gone that long and it can’t be that hot, right? WRONG! Wrong, oh my effin’ that is super-hot, wrong! So you then do the dance. This is when you raise one foot out of the water and stand like a flamingo alternating feet and using some choice words that your mother would definitely blush at and Grams is about to make you eat that soap. Why don’t we get out of the tub and just let it either cool down or add cold water? Where is the fun in that? We do the dance because it has mystical and enchanting powers making us feel better while giving thanks that no one is there to watch you.
The Crazy-Towel-Wrapping
The moment you are singing your favorite Adele song in the shower, all into it like the rock star you are, and the doorbell rings or you hear a crashing noise so you feel compelled to go “check it out.” You then grab that towel that you can’t really see because the shampoo/conditioner/facial cleanser is in your eyes and you wrap yourself thinking that you have covered all the important parts all to go sneaking around to check out the problem. Well, you think you’re being sneaky. At this point things could go either way at this point (gratifying that you were indeed sneaky or horrifying because the mailman now knows what you really look like) and it wouldn’t really matter because shame has nothing on you at this moment. Own it, fess up to it, and wear that wonky wrapped towel with pride.
The tripping/stubbing of body parts
We’ve all done it, run into something and then say choice words because it really did hurt, but turn to see if anyone is looking. Cats and dogs do this … cats are calm, cool, and collective, like they meant to do that and handle it with dignity; however, dogs don’t care if anyone sees this because HECK YEAH, that hurt like hell. Most of us are in between with the hooting/hollering right after the fact and with the hoppy jumpy dance we do (cuz that’s the magic jig that will make things so much better) and then look around and play it cool if someone is watching.
Have kids? Lock the bathroom door!
That second that you finally get to use the bathroom in your own house and for a brief shining moment thinking that you get to 5 minutes of peace is shattered with the unlocked door syndrome. The kids have an alarm system build into this door somehow because if you go in, they want to know the answer to the question you have already answered 3 times before but they just want confirmation. Want to take a shower in peace? Too bad, that is usually when one of the kids busts in and wants to chat. You secretly sob because dignity, self-respect/worth, and personal boundaries no longer exist but no one knows because the water washes it away unless of course you are not answering in time and they pull back the curtain to make sure you are both there and listening. Yes, this has happened. May this be a lesson for all, LOCK YOUR DOOR! If by chance you did lock the door because you have already learned this lesson then perhaps you now have the little fingers coming up from under the door usually followed by the words “what ya doing?” to which you can’t believe that you are going to have the poop conversation all over again while quite possibly doing the deed. Yay! As they grow up this isn’t so much a problem anymore but you may want to padlock your toiletries for the issue of “sharing” or “borrowing” which is a whole new issue.
Be careful while have tea with someone that cannot reach the sink or that can’t quite cook on her/his own… think about this and use your best judgment (the patties are not chocolate which would lead also to perhaps the *tea*).
Sometimes it is best to go overboard with directions … watering the plants could mean that they now reside in your shower.
I hope you all (the 4 of ya) giggled a bit, agreed (some, don’t worry, no one will know), thanked the stars that it wasn’t you, and enjoyed today’s rant. I bid you good whatever it is (day, night, happy hour).

Welcome? Sir CrazyPants the plumber…

So I will now go into the original ranting’s of the Adventures in whatever it was since we now have a back story on the plumber now known as Sir CrazyPants.
As you know from the last entry, CrazyPants shows up unannounced and thanks to the Powers-that-be, he leaves and comes back later that same day. Being that at first the story is absolutely hilarious due to the crazy-lady-in-a-towel dance that I did to praying and trying to get dressed in a hurry, I thought I would share with a friend that was not having a good day. So I start to share the story with her and she indeed does giggle at/with me (sounds strange but trust me, it was funny). So he comes in with this other guy that I don’t know and goes to the bathroom. Turns on the light, stares at the ceiling for five minutes, and neither of them say a word to each other. The smaller dude (we shall call him the SaneOne) starts to mark and cut a hole out. What I hear from my living room went something like this:
CP: What are you doing?
SO: Cutting a hole. We need a hole, right?
CP: Yeah, ok. I’ll go get the ladder and stuff.
This is where my anxiety starts kicking a bit and I quickly IM my friend (who was having a bad day). I send a silent prayer that my hubby comes back from the gym early so that I can go to work without fear of my house being completely torn apart. S.O. goes out and starts going into the attic so that he can now wire a fancy-dancy  new switch to operate my new vent/light. Cool. Wait, nope, not so cool as the conversation really sends me into anxiety overdrive.
SO: Hey, I think I’m in the wrong spot. Can you see me? (I’m thinking eff no he can’t see you, you’re in the attic sir flowerbrain)
CP: Nope, you should be good, keep going.
SO: No, I’m positive I’m not in the right spot.
CP: Just keep going. I don’t even see a hole.
SO: Seriously? I just hit something that isn’t drywall. I’m in the wrong place.
CP: You're in her pantry.
SO: How? I thought you said…
CP: Well I don't know but you're still drilling her pantry. Back it up. The ceiling is falling but you're still in her pantry. Try her again.
O.M.G! There is a hole in my pantry and he wasn’t going to tell me about it. WTF? I start to believe that there just isn’t enough vino in the world to ease me out of this new set of nervousness and distress, so I IM my writer friend and tell her about it. We then agree that there is not enough vino and that we should switch houses for one day. I commented to her about the blind leading the blind in my house and how I almost had a light switch for my bathroom in the pantry and she had arachnid issues (shivers just thinking about it) and publishers being pricks (hello, read the books first before you say no, a-holes). We declared the day a wash.   
At the end of the morning I had a working vent fan that of course vented into MY ATTIC. Hello to another WTF moment. Sir CrazyPants then informs me that they will be back in a few weeks to fix the vent issue. Yeah, GREAT! So when does he come back you ask? HAHAHA! He got me again, that sneaky fartknocker, two days later and not two weeks. Crap! Here we go again with the whole “he’ll be back in 10 minutes.”
So this time when I come back upstairs I quickly open up the door so that the screen door is letting in some wonderful air while I go to the bathroom to finish getting ready (hair/makeup/brushing teeth/stuff) and I hear his truck pull up. No big, knew he was coming back anyway so I expected to hear the doorbell. NOPE! Sir CrazyPants just walks right on in like he owns the joint and gets into my kitchen before he thinks about yelling out “Hello?” and so I peer out of the bathroom going “umm HeLlO?!”  and our conversations goes a bit like this:
CP: Yeah, we’re going to fix that little problem with the vent.
Me: ok, well thanks.
(now he is in my personal space and I’m thinking Oh no, don’t go there) CP: Well we should be done pretty quickly.
Me: great, well I have to get ready for work so I will let you get to work now. (he is literally staring at me for a few moments and then goes to work)
CP and SO leave a ladder unattended in my driveway and the wind gets hold of it causing it to gauge in my BRAND NEW door. Awesomesauce… Yes, he is paying for it, begrudgingly, but still doing it all the same. Needless to say, he will not be doing any more work at this house thanks to the shenanigans that happened this last few times. *Choirs sing “Hallelujah”*  
I leave you with happy thoughts and blessings of a better day. I do have a very nice working vent/light in my bathroom with the switch in the bathroom so BLESSED BE! :)

Adventures in ….plumbing?

Yes, this entry is all sir crazyplumberpants but first a little back story for you. I am your typical “Daddy’s girl” and “baby” of the family. I get into trouble, can’t figure my way out, I call daddy and he helps me get back on track. Character flaw? Absolutely but I own that flaw. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to do stuff, it just means that sometimes I go WAY OVERBOARD with the things I do. Perhaps this explains why I have as many jobs/volunteer for as many things as I do. I could list them but quite frankly NO ONE CARES and that includes me (90% of the time). Moving on with the back story, we had nasty metal pipes in the house that needed “updating” and so I asked my Dad about who I should call to fix it. He hired this guy he knew from a guy that knew this other guy that knew someone that did that (see where I’m going with this here) and so we are using the “good o’ boy” system. Meaning everyone else said he was ok also meaning “don’t worry about it, Sis, we got this.” This guy comes into my house and starts changing all the pipes which is exactly what I wanted, however, what I didn’t want was the mess he left for me to clean up and ruined a BRAND NEW cleaning bucket and didn’t bother to say a word about anything. He leaves, go up to the bank and charges my dad for the “job well done” and goes on about his life UNTIL I have to call him again because yes, you guessed it, they (new plumbing) is leaking and not working quite right. He comes back and I may have made mention loudly on the phone (hello passive-aggressive move) about how my new bucket is ruined and I had to spend 2 DAYS cleaning up a mess only to find a much bigger mess where the pipes were leaking. He then calls my dad and apologizes to him and does nothing else about it. Yup, that is why I begged/pleaded/stated my case against ever hiring this “good o’ boy” again. Should have worked right? Nope! He was hired to fix something else, and then since I couldn’t get my point across I started to hire my own guy to fix things…. Whom you might ask? ME! I am woman; hear me curse like a drunken sailor all the while putting in new shower fixtures, sinks and faucets, and pipes. That’s right, I CAN do this. Well no, I can’t all the time…which is now where we are with the vent.
So we were going to hire out my uncle but apparently summer was vastly approaching and we needed this vent put in to avoid more problems that would occur from the moisture that collects/builds. My dad, God love him because I do too, was helping but temporally lost his memory about said guy because guess who was at my door to fix it. Yup, comes and knocks/pounds on the door unannounced… no scratch that, 3 weeks late. I was, of course, not expecting said man to be there at all let alone that particular day and so went on getting ready for the day as if I had the whole “school day” to do so. Yup, you guessed it, he came right as I was IN THE SHOWER! The nerve, ha! So I do that whole not-so-sneaky thing and wrap a towel around my body and peak around the corner of my kitchen to see the door and HE WAS LOOKING IN! Eek! Almost break a hip turning around to hide in what I’m sure is a not so safe place, but still send a silent plea to the Lord above. I’m sure it was something along the lines of: “Please, please, please make him go away for 10 minutes. I would be forever grateful. I will TRY to keep track of things better and be a better person/mother/wife/daughter. I would only like him to go away for like ten minutes, please Lord, I beg of thee.” I do believe it was the use of “thee” that I suddenly hear his truck start and peel out of my short driveway. I send another prayer and blessing to the Lord and run down the stairs (still sopping wet mind you) and dang near trip/slip/slide into the couch in the basement which hold about 3 baskets of clean clothes. It is noted not that when you want to find something in a hurry and in fear of another unexpected guest (hello, daddy knows code to get into house) you cannot find a single thing except your cell phone which is lighting up with notifications of a MISSED CALL from mom. Aw crap! I call her and am unable to control the panic in my voice and my anxiety is soaring. She calms me down and I get ready and await the guy to show back up.
Since this is super long, I will save you the details on this bloggityblog entry but go into details next entry. We do have a working vent in the bathroom.